Abusive men: Unphased or Mentally Ill?

Why are abusive men who are nothing in life, with zero accomplishments, zero home ownership, zero car ownership, zero parenting ownership, zero college degree’s…. UNPHASED?

Still other people who abuse end up abusing because they have an empathy deficit, either because of some sort of brain damage, or because they were so abused themselves as children that their innate emphatic abilities never developed properly. Such abusers cannot or will not relate to other people as people, choosing instead to treat them as objects. In effect, they confuse people for things. They treat people as though they were there solely for their convenience and do not otherwise have an independent, important life. Abusers who treat people in this manner are very likely psychologically ill, and possibly medically ill as well. They may have an antisocial (sociopathic, psychopathic) or narcissistic personality disorder, and they may have anger or impulse control issues and substance abuse issues on top of that! Such people may abuse because of the benefits they receive from doing so, for instance, sexual or financial gratification, or the simple allure of power over other people’s lives.


The Typical Abuser

You may not realize that abusers feel powerless. They don’t act insecure to cover up the truth. In fact, they’re often bullies. The one thing they all have in common is that their motive is to have power over their victim. This is because they don’t feel that they have personal power, regardless of worldly success. To them, communication is a win-lose game. They often have the following personality profile:

  • Insecure.
  • Needy with unrealistic expectations of a relationship.
  • Distrustful.
  • Often jealous.
  • Verbally abusive.
  • Needs to be right and in control.
  • Possessive; may try to isolate their partner from friends and family.
  • Hypersensitive and reacts aggressively.
  • Has a history of aggression.
  • Is cruel to animals or children.
  • Blames their behavior on others.
  • Suffers from untreated mental health problems including depression or suicidalbehavior.


The abuser could be narcissistic and lack empathy, they could try to expose you to make it appear you are the bad person, twist your words and do whatever possible to try to take the focus off all other their own deception, lies, and abuse. They are always plotting against you from the very start of your relationship.

When we dump a narcissist or a narcissist dumps us, one of the first things that they do (to make themselves feel better) is embark on a smear campaign. Somehow, running a smear campaign provides the narcissist justification as to why we were never worthy of their presence to begin with. By talking smack around town about the discarded partner…by getting “the word out” about how horrible the ex is…the N feels pumped up and vindicated about however the relationship came to an end.

Most of us who’ve been involved with a narcissist have experienced being the target of a smear campaign at one time or another. It might even be that, with a break-up on the horizon, you’re worried in advance of what you already know will certainly be one. After all, breaking up with a narcissist isn’t exactly like any other break-up or divorce on the planet. If there are mutual friends, co-workers, or children involved, there will always be radioactive fallout but it’s not nearly as scary as it appears to be. In fact, by making one amazingly simple switch within our reaction to it, we can all but instantly change the dynamic of the smear itself. The key, my friends, is to say NOTHING at all…not a single world…and, believe me, there will be power in your silence.

If you find yourself in a break up where the narcissist has recorded conversations, recorded you having a conversation…it is illegal. I would encourage you to get an attorney and file a civil suit.

Recorded Conversation in the State of Minnesota:

Minnesota’s wiretapping statute, Section 626A .02, is almost identical to the federal wiretapping statute, 18 U.S.C. Section 2511(1). In general, Minnesota’s statute states that it is legal for a person to record a wire, oral, or electronic communication if that person is a party to the communication, or if one of the parties has consented to the recording, as long as there is no criminal or tortious intent. In other words, you cannot intentionally intercept a communication, nor can you use a communication to commit fraud or blackmail even if you are a party to the conversation and it is not intercepted, unless you get consent. If you violate this statute you could be both criminally and civilly liable.

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Offenses Under the Statute

Any person who:

(1) intentionally intercepts, endeavors to intercept, or procures any other person to intercept or endeavor to intercept, any wire, electronic, or oral communication;

(2) intentionally uses, endeavors to use, or procures any other person to use or endeavor to use any electronic, mechanical, or other device to intercept any oral communication when:

(i) such device is affixed to, or otherwise transmits a signal through, a wire, cable, or other like connection used in wire communication; or

(ii) such device transmits communications by radio, or interferes with the transmission of such communication;

(3) intentionally discloses, or endeavors to disclose, to any other person the contents of any wire, electronic, or oral communication, knowing or having reason to know that the information was obtained through the interception of a wire, electronic, or oral communication in violation of this subdivision; or

(4) intentionally uses, or endeavors to use, the contents of any wire, electronic, or oral communication, knowing or having reason to know that the information was obtained through the interception of a wire, electronic, or oral communication in violation of this subdivision; shall be punished….

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There are both criminal and civil penalties under Minnesota’s wiretap law. A person can be subject to a suit by the county or city who has jurisdiction over the violation, as well as a civil fine. The criminal penalty is a maximum fine of not more than $20,000 or imprisonment for not more than five years, or both.


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